When I first started out in this game called running I didn't really have any specific goals other than to train for and complete the Marathon Des Sables. Jim and I entered the MdS back in early 2005 and before hand I had run a total of zero miles in the preceeding 3 or 4 years. Literally nothing. The sole aim was simply to get to the finish line. It was and is for many, enough to get to the finish line of one major league race like the MdS and then sit back and reflect on it for a long time.
For me the period of reflection lasted about 4 months, after which time I was beginning to suffer the same feeling of emptiness that many experience after committing such a huge part of your life to one event for 12 months or more. I didn't run a single race of any distance between the MdS in March 2006 and the Gobi March in late June 2007. The aim for the Gobi was once again, simply to get to the finish line.
I am a competitive person by nature, something that I'm not ashamed of as it has certainly driven me to succeed at things I otherwise wouldn't have bothered with. It isn't a streak which comes through very often in day to day life but during a race it does rear it's head. I find it very difficult to throttle back and watch others disappear into the distance, no matter how great a runner they are. Of course there are always runners who are better, stronger, faster on the day or in general and in those cases as long as I've gone as hard as I can that's fine.
During the MdS in 2006, I raced off ahead of Jim on both the first and second days, unneccesarily and actually I owe a huge amount to Jim's patience and incredible good naturedness not to have got annoyed with me in those circumstances. We hadn't always trained together but we had entered together and intended to finish together and I made the mistake of getting carried away in the 'race' and burying myself to the point where I was almost unable to start the third day due to all kinds of heat related problems from going too hard. We finished every other stage together. The Gobi was a little different, we were together for 2 days but Jim hadn't had the chance to train as much as he'd have liked, traveling around the world during the lead up and I once again felt good so pushed on ahead for the final 3 stages. I think I knew when I came back from China that things had changed for me and that actually I wanted to 1. go on and complete the 4Deserts Series but 2. to try and be competitive and actually race the others.
The injury I picked up at Rocky Raccoon back in the first week of February is as painful now as it was then. It is most probably a stress fracture which largely healed before I put too much pressure on it too soon and exacerbated the problem. I'm going to have other tests to prove or disprove this theory but as far as the cycle of events has played out, that is what it is.
I keep an eye out on the blogs of the top ultramarathon runners particularly in the States as that is where I have focused a lot of my time and effort in the past 2 years (Badwater, Rocky Raccoon, Old Dominion) and about the only time I can actually draw upon a parallel between myself and Anton Krupicka is right now. He seems to have picked up the exact same injury in the same race and been out of action for the same amount of time as I have. He had one or two bigger training weeks (small for him, big for me) as I did before the diagnosis was firmly presented. He is back to running 5 miles a day, I am not yet but I hope I'm not too far behind him.
He has made it clear that until he is fit and ready to race and compete at his highest level, that is to say winning and breaking course records, he won't toe any start line.
Aside from the 4Deserts series up to this point, I haven't been able to/ attempted to be competitive in ultras. I would call competitive top 10 only and in deep fields ie. 100 plus. I have had various issues during each one of the 100 milers I've run and Badwater was an all out slog to the finish. I look back on each of them with great satisfaction at finishing. That was my sole aim going to each one. Finish Rocky as my first 100, finish Old Dominion a much harder race so that I qualified for Badwater, finish Badwater because it is hard enough on it's own the first time and finish at Caesars Camp to avenge my 50 mile DNF there in 2007.
I am now faced with starting all of my A races this year with a major injury. The best I can hope for is that my shin heals that my cross training gets me to the startline of each, able to get through them and battle out for a finish one by one. It is highly likely that the only running I'll have done between February and Comrades is a week of stunted mileage in the middle when my leg briefly healed enough to let me do 4 x 1:30 runs.
If I was Anton right now I'd be cashing in my flights for vouchers and trying to roll my entires to 2012. The thing is I am still early enough in my running life that I can at least try to finish these events and particularly as it won't be easy for me to get in to some of them again. Anton can always qualify for Western States in the future or get a sponsors slot if that fails. I will have to go through that unbearable lottery again and maybe wait another 1/5/10 years to get a chance to race there.
So come what may I'll be at Comrades and I'll be at Western States. They will be ugly, difficult struggles but ultimately the basic goal whenever I get to the startline of an ultra is to finish. I consider them to be enough of a challenge to take satisfaction from simply finishing. I will look back on them, much as I do on Badwater and the other 100s and think, I could have done so much better.... Ultimately though who really knows or cares what the difference is between running a race like that in 29 hours, 39 hours or 59 hours? A handful of people can relate to what that means.
Hopefully in the future I will get the chance to go back and actually race these events and see just how well I can do. I am nowhere near my potential yet in ultras, I'm quite sure of that. For me, right now though, it is about having the chance to experience each of these incredible races once and chose which I go back and do again in the future. Would I go back and do Rocky Raccoon again? Maybe. Old Dominion? Maybe. Badwater? Definitely.
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